Have you ever spent hours scrolling through social media, watching television or playing games just to avoid a situation? At that moment, it might seem like you are “relaxing” or unwinding, but as time passes, you may end up feeling worse than before. This temporary distraction may offer a sense of relief in the short term, but it does not address the underlying feelings or challenges you are trying to avoid.
Rather than truly relaxing or feeling rejuvenated, you end up feeling exhausted, anxious or even more overwhelmed, because the source of your stress remains unresolved. Imagine a security spotlight that never dims, constantly locked onto an intruder within its range. Like a spotlight that can overheat from continuous use, your child’s stress response system remains constantly activated, remaining alert to the problem while being engaged.
This continuous activation of the stress response system while trying to engage is what we call destructive engagement. What makes this type of stress especially damaging is its cumulative nature. Unlike the stress from a single challenging event that we can recover from, the stress from destructive engagement builds up over time. Starting from the moment they wake up, these unresolved issues continue to drain your child’s body and mind, preventing recovery and setting off a cycle of compounded negative effects.
The Nature of Destructive Engagement
As we previously mentioned, destructive engagement is frequently fuelled by a need to escape, driven by the desire to avoid discomfort or unpleasant situations. It functions as a coping mechanism rooted in avoidance behaviors, where the overriding motivation is to evade responsibilities. When students engage destructively to avoid studying, they temporarily reduce their immediate stress, but this avoidance behavior reinforces and strengthens their anxiety response over time.
Think of destructive engagement like quicksand – the more you struggle with it, the deeper you sink. When a child is destructively engaged in an activity, their bodies enter a state of constant low-grade stress, even though they might think they are “relaxing” or “escaping”. Destructive engagement creates what psychologists call a “stress paradox” – you engage in an activity to escape stress, but the engagement itself generates more stress. The constant low-grade stress associated with destructive engagement interferes with a child’s ability to focus and learn effectively.
Stress has a direct impact on cognitive functions which are crucial for effective learning. As the stress builds up, it can start to wear down cognitive functions like attention, memory and emotional regulation, making it harder to maintain focus or engage meaningfully in tasks. This cumulative stress creates a cycle where learning and retention become progressively harder, reinforcing the child’s tendency to avoid these activities and making it even harder to remain engaged.
How Destructive Engagement Develops into Addiction
When engagement is used primarily as an escape mechanism, it can evolve into psychological or behavioral dependence. The activity becomes a temporary escape from emotional discomfort or stress, creating a pattern where the individual increasingly relies on it for emotional regulation. This dependence can grow stronger over time, making it difficult for the child to cope or function without the activity, ultimately leading to the development of addictive behaviors through unhealthy habits.
Here’s the twist: Children experiencing positive engagement can become so absorbed in an activity that they struggle to step away, much like destructive engagement. So, how can you tell if your child is caught in a state of positive or negative engagement? Stay tuned for part 6 to find out!
#StressAndMentalHealth #ParentingChallenges #MentalWellbeing #eduwerkx #edtech #aitutor #education #resilience #learning #Engagement #PositiveEngagement #DestructiveEngagement #NegativeEngagement