When challenges trigger F-E-A-R in a child, they can choose to either ‘Forget Everything And Run’ or ‘Face Everything And Rise’. If they choose to confront the challenge head on, they cultivate the resilience to navigate difficult situations and manage discomfort. Conversely, choosing to run cultivates a different kind of resilience – a resilience rooted in avoidance, characterized by a hypersensitivity to discomfort and a strong desire to be comfortable.
This pattern creates a self-reinforcing cycle: each time they avoid, they temporarily reduce their anxiety, which strengthens the belief that avoidance is effective but weakens the belief in their ability to influence their situation, resulting in a lack of motivation and a tendency to procrastinate instead of taking action. Both choices build strength, but result in vastly different value systems and behavioral patterns, ultimately defining a child’s entire approach to life.
Research indicates that children who habitually avoid challenges are more prone to experiencing depression, anxiety and burnout as they age. It’s like building a protective wall that keeps out both potential pain and potential growth. These children develop sophisticated rationalization strategies, crafting elaborate explanations for why they can’t or shouldn’t attempt challenging tasks, effectively creating a comfort zone that becomes increasingly difficult to break free from.
This pattern distorts their understanding of success and achievement. They reject the notion of effort, resilience and consistent skill development, constructing an alternative narrative that places the source of success entirely outside their control. This belief system manifests as a kind of magical thinking, where success is attributed to knowing the right people, building alliances in the workplace, stumbling upon good fortune, secret formulas or being blessed with godly talent.
How Engagement Cultivates Responsibility
This way of thinking helps them feel better by not taking responsibility, whether things go right or wrong, it’s easier to blame external factors than look at themselves. They tend to view success as a matter of luck, rather than something that they can actively create. In the workplace, these “promotion scammers” frequently project an image of competence by putting others down, claim credit that is not theirs or might misrepresent their abilities and achievements to gain an edge over others.
In contrast, resilient children possess a strong belief in their ability to influence outcomes, which motivates them to take action to improve situations. They understand that achieving goals requires consistent effort and the capacity to overcome obstacles. This long-term perspective enables them to maintain responsibility in their commitments, even when immediate progress is not evident. Their deep sense of ownership fuels high levels of engagement, creating a buffer to stress.
It’s crucial, however, to differentiate between genuine responsibility and simple compliance. While some may exhibit responsible behavior by adhering to rules and meeting basic expectations, this outward display of responsibility doesn’t always equate to a deep sense of engagement. Authentic responsibility stems from internal motivation and a genuine desire to contribute meaningfully, often described by some as passion.
Responsibility and engagement are interconnected, where responsibility drives productivity and engagement, and engagement, in turn, cultivates a greater sense of responsibility. As people become more engaged in activities or projects, they often develop a stronger sense of ownership and accountability. This creates a positive feedback loop where responsibility and engagement reinforce each other, leading to continuous growth and development.
Think you know all about engagement? Part 4 is here to set the record straight, debunking widespread myths and misconceptions.
#StressAndMentalHealth #ParentingChallenges #MentalWellbeing #eduwerkx #edtech #aitutor #education #resilience #learning #responsibility #stress #anxiety